Saturday, December 12, 2009

the past day or so. . . .

Disgusting! Ok the past week I swear I have seen this hideous duo twice, when I say duo I mean the turtleneck with the blazer. Last night I was at Chillis for a work party and we ended up waiting a whopping full hour. To keep myself from drop kicking the staff at Chillis I decided to people watch and critique their style, in other words "what I do best". While waiting, a guy about my age walked right past me wearing something extremely similar to what is seen above. Good thing this was before my meal or my dinner would have been on the floor. Luckily I have the best gag reflexes on planet earth to prevent me upchucking the delicious carrot cake cupcake I had earlier. For all those men who happen to read my blog which is probably only my Dad, please do not ever go out in public like this. Women, please never allow your significant other or any man for that matter wear something so appalling out, seriously, seriously. As my friend Ashley said, "if you wear something like that you are just asking to be called a douche bag." Oh and for some reason I just think of Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite when I see this duo, not a good thing.

Like I mentioned before, we had a work Christmas party last night. We have the tradition at The Fargo to have the ol White Elephant gift exchange. I spent approximately 2 months devising up a plan to having the funniest/most creative/unwanted gift at the party. After weeks of fasting and deep meditation the greatest idea dawned on me. As many of you know I spent the summer in AZ with great company, namely DJ, Bethany (for 2 weeks), Janae, and Devo. For the last outing before returning to UT we completed my very last life long desire to take classy photos at Wal Mart. Devo and I practiced what we had learned best from years of watching "What Not To Wear" and selected the best sweaters for the photo shoot. Below you can see the family photo with our awe-inspiring sweaters. (I know the photo was previously posted)
Well from the infamous photo shoot the most divine photo that has ever been taken was in fact taken at Wal Mart. (SEE BELOW)
I know it's beautiful right? My Mom commented on this same photo on facebook and asked, and I quote "Where did I go wrong?" I really don't understand her self doubting. This photo is so genius, the finishing touches, i.e. the frosted edge, by the lovely lady at Wal Mart are exquisite to say the least. I don't know why my Mother would not take any pride in this. Back to the story. Well the idea came to me that I should give away a framed 8x10 photo of me and DJ. Not only did I give away one from my behalf but my guest at the party also generously sacrificed her own gift idea to give the best gift ever away. Well two lucky individuals received their gifts, joy radiated from their faces, it warmed my heart to know someone else was going to find such a treat every time they would admire the masterpiece. A Few minutes passed by and I felt so disheartened as my co-worker returned the gift bag with the picture inside. Luckily my dear pal Robin was anxious to take it off my hands. I am glad someone will appreciate my gift. She informed me that she wants to hang it from her ceiling so she can admire such a work every night before going to bed.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Sometimes I feel my life is this:

Ok i've lived in Provo for 2 years now. Initially it was a shock. If I wasn't white or Mormon I would feel extremely uncomfortable living in Provo. Provo is 88.52% white and 98% Mormon. Once the shock wears off, you just get used to it and it becomes normal.

So today I thought I was going to have a heart attack, literally. So to save money on gas I decided to take the trax to campus in Salt Lake. I've done this a few times and I guess i've always gotten lucky and ended up on the right train. And for the most part on this particular route that I've taken has always been fairly empty. So the train I took today turned onto a street that was not part of the normal route I had taken. So I quickly decided to get off at the next exit. Once exiting the train, I almost panicked, I thought I was in the heart of the ghetto. I was the only clean looking person around (and that's not saying much), and maybe I'm crazy but I swear everyone was staring me down. I instinctively put my hand in my coat pocket that had my ipod and the other hand on top of my school bag that had my laptop in it. When ever I saw a shadow move I looked nonchalantly to see what it was. I tried not to appear like the paranoid white guy that got off on the wrong stop, but I think it was obvious. Ok its not like I've never been in the ghetto, shoot I lived in the ghetto in Panama and there were some areas where I'd go to sleep listening to gun shots. Well it seemed like the train took forever to get to our stop. Well it arrived and the train was packed. I got on and the first thing I heard was the F bomb, that woke me up alright. So I sat across the aisle from a white trash family. The boy kept on saying he hated his mom. His mom kept on telling him there was no Santa Claus and he wasn't getting any presents. I wanted to slap the wench, but I was afraid she would shank me. Well I survived!

Overall this was a good wake up call. Provo is not the real world, granted I like the place (sometimes), but I think sometimes I forget how cool and diverse people are. I also had to remind myself that just because they obviously came from different socio economic statuses it doesn't mean they are criminals for crying out loud!

Friday, November 20, 2009

A- to an A

Since being at BYU one thing that has bothered me is everyone's constant obsession with academic perfection. I have seen people cry over a B and even an A-, ok where I come from a B is a good grade. These people think that a B is basically the end of the world.

Ok to illustrate how ridiculous some people get over their grades, here is a true story that was in the BYU newspaper:

Nov. 13: At 5:30 p.m. a woman was walking up Maeser hill to the testing center when a Latino male walked up behind her, asked her the time, then grabbed her buttocks. The suspect then ran westbound on the path and the female began chasing him. The suspect then stopped, turned around, and yelled obscenities at the victim. The female reported the incident to the police two and a half hours later, after she took her test.

Ok seriously, who reports something like that 2 1/2 hours later, come on. These people are not living in the real world, this BYU bimbo was obviously more concerned about taking her precious test than reporting something so serious to the police.

The reason I tell you this, is because I have a confession. I have spent two years making fun of these fanatical students who value their grade over pretty much everything else. I fear that I am becoming one of these imbeciles. The other night in one of my classes, we took a test and then waited for everyone to be done then we graded them as a class. I found my self arguing over one question with the teacher for 5 minutes so that I could get an A instead of an A-. Did he budge? no. But I am pretty sure the rest of the class now wants to jump me for being such a moron, because I did end up getting the best grade on the test. On the drive home I had the revelation that I was becoming one of those ridiculous BYUers that argues over one point, one point, who does that?

who knew?

So this semester I am taking an adolescent psychology course at BYU and thus far I have been disgusted to say the least. I do have to be honest I haven't laughed this hard in a class since my brother crapped his shorts at scout camp. So let me tell you about my teacher. He's a 65 year old overweight man that could eat off his belly, no joke. He loves to tell stories and talk about sex. Well the good news from taking this class I am confidant my gag reflexes are still working.

So throughout the semester we have talked more about sex than any other topic. So we eventually made it to the chapter "Dating, Love and Sex". I am almost positive Prof. R could not sleep the night before we were going to go over the chapter (just like a kid does not sleep the night before Santa comes). So he starts off by giving the best comparison to sex of the century. He said "sex is like bowling". (In all of our heads we were just pleading that we would not vomit). He continued, "sometimes you get lucky and you hit all the right PINS! at the right time!" I wish I could have recorded how he said it, he said it with such vigor. Prof. R continued, "but sometimes sex is a disaster and a let down just like when your bowling ball ends up in the gutter". At this point I think I was on the floor hyperventilating from laughing too hard.

(Next paragraph I warn you, you may get a bit nauseous)

Next comment that almost landed me in the hospital from shock was when he began talking about elderly sex. First of all, this is an Adolescent Psychology class why the hell (pardon my french) would he be discussing elderly sexual habits? I don't know. He began to inform us, that although people who are elderly (what ever that means) don't have sex as much as younger people, it is a lot better because years of experience allows them to know how to hit all the right pins. Ok shoot me! Ok you may be asking yourself, wait this is a BYU professor, oh yes it is. I don't know how he is still teaching there. Grant it I like the guy, he's entertaining to listen to and his test are very easy but the constant urge to puke is not so pleasant.

Monday, November 16, 2009

couldn't sleep

So yes, I've joined the blogger world, after making fun of my family for becoming blog stalkers I have succumbed. Well last last night I couldn't sleep and I kept on thinking to my self that I should start a blog. I have no idea where this crazy idea would come from, seriously! Blogs are for women and especially married women who stay at home who need entertainment to stop themselves from going crazy, no offense. But I have always been a bit androgynous so here we go!

So this is what has been on my mind as of lately:


Sue Sylvester is seriously my woman! Shes so powerful and strong its such a turn on! Girl friend I am in love! For those of you that haven't jumped on the band wagon, you need to start watching Glee!

Next item of business is my obsession with this mens designer Antonio Azzuolo that I discovered randomly. The bad news is he only sells his stuff in two stores, one in Tokyo and the other in NYC, just my luck!! Not that I have money for it or anything.
Ok I know its winter and it just f'in snowed but I have a strong desire to wear short bright colored shorts with a blazer and a feather. Maybe for Christmas I'll come home to Arizona wearing this, just for you mama, I know she'll crap her shorts so I think that will make it worth it.

Lastly! Christmas Break is on its way. Im excited because some of my crew in AZ are coming for a couple of days, cuz Devo has a fashion show in Salt Lake.

Ok hmmm i think thats it!